I couldn’t believe I’d be able to do it, stand in front of a camera and be subject to its aperture’s gaze. I was positively shocked from the photos, but mainly from the experience. My friend Amit proved just how much the amicable root embedded in his name lives up to the friend he is. Thanks to a combination of his personal contacts in the theater we used, his articulated photographic artistry, and his limitless heart – I now have state of the art head shots, and can merrily roll along towards Broadway.

As someone who’s never had professional head shots taken, I had a feeling that this occasion was going to have a clear ‘before and after’ effect. The last time I had a head shot taken, a friend was helping me as I was trying out for the ‘Pina Bausch’ company in Germany. That head shot remained my key photo for auditions since, even though so much has changed since then (see featured image at top of page on the right).

Back then I was an dissatisfied dancer with a back injury looking to exit his contract and aiming for one of the most prestigious dance companies in the world. That former photo faithfully depicts the appearance of a dreamer, seeking to conquer  the world with the wink of an eye. Looking back at that photo, the colorful background and shirt suggest that the color is not coming from within me, but rather from my  surroundings. The photo was a hot success on Facebook and some dating apps, but I later lost my taste for it. Giving the turning of events since then; re-entering the world of musical theater, dismissing my professional dancer dreams and stepping up with my updated Broadway dream, I can see why.

In this current endeavor of world conquest, I feel that I have a much stronger foundation. I’m keen on my estimated capabilities in all singing, acting and dancing. I am more confident about the fact that I’m not the top performer in any of them, individually – but one of the better ones in their conglomeration. Visually, I think this new head shot shows a change of locus; the light and the color make it seem as if there is a story yet to be told (see featured image at top of page on the left).

Finally, a thought about the identity of the photographer. It was about four weeks before my booked appointments with a another professional photographer, that my friend Amit offered his benevolent services. I was already having second thoughts about the photographer that I had hired. It seemed to me, while going over her online portfolio, that she is better in taking women’s head shots. I also had a premonition that if I were to pose in front of a male of similar sexual orientation, there would be a greater easiness about this unnatural position, in front of the camera. I thought there would be something authentic about manifesting my attractiveness and likability in front the monocular gaze of another gay.

So this is the October 2016 me: gradually confident about my decisions, gradually proud of myself, and carefully yet decisively moving forward to conquer this stage of having my head shots taken, and on to the greater stages ahead.

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